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jammerbirdi



Joined: 23 Sep 2004
Posts: 19608



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PostPosted: 02/24/18 3:11 pm    ::: Thank You For Asking Reply Reply with quote

Young people are radically changing how we think...

When Alyssa Navarrette, a third-year student who is studying anthropology and art, came home for her first visit after starting college, she was taken by surprise when her mother hugged her.

“If you don’t want to be touched and your mom wants to hug you, you should be allowed to say no,” Ms. Navarrette said. “It’s about having autonomy over your own body.”




calbearman76



Joined: 02 Nov 2009
Posts: 3036
Location: Carson City


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PostPosted: 02/24/18 7:29 pm    ::: Reply Reply with quote

As long as Miss Navarrette is paying for her own education and she is staying in a hotel, then she has a point.


Howee



Joined: 27 Nov 2009
Posts: 11102
Location: Oklahoma (in my heart), whilst on my way to Oregon!


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PostPosted: 02/24/18 9:37 pm    ::: Reply Reply with quote

calbearman76 wrote:
As long as Miss Navarrette is paying for her own education and she is staying in a hotel, then she has a point.


Bingo. LOL! It sounds like Missy and Mama have some family problems, or maybe Mama was a bitch and didn't fork over some money as desired, etc., etc., cuz if your Mama hugs you, and you want to make a political statement about it....? You got problems.



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justintyme



Joined: 08 Jul 2012
Posts: 7029
Location: Northfield, MN


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PostPosted: 02/24/18 9:53 pm    ::: Reply Reply with quote

Howee wrote:
calbearman76 wrote:
As long as Miss Navarrette is paying for her own education and she is staying in a hotel, then she has a point.


Bingo. LOL! It sounds like Missy and Mama have some family problems, or maybe Mama was a bitch and didn't fork over some money as desired, etc., etc., cuz if your Mama hugs you, and you want to make a political statement about it....? You got problems.

While I think it is a bit over the top if she just flipped out and accused her mom of something, there is nothing radical about setting boundaries and expecting them to be respected. So no matter the relationship if I make it clear that I expect to be asked before someone initiates intimate contact with me, they need to respect that.

For instance, change this to husband and wife and change hug to sex and you can see how this plays out in the extreme.



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jammerbirdi



Joined: 23 Sep 2004
Posts: 19608



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PostPosted: 02/24/18 11:00 pm    ::: Reply Reply with quote

justintyme wrote:

For instance, change this to husband and wife and change hug to sex and you can see how this plays out in the extreme.


No. Change it back to a mom and her 19 year-old daughter just back from her first semester at college. Because that's what this is about. If the girl had issues with physical contact her entire life, because she's on a spectrum or something, and exhibited that or was diagnosed and her preferences were ignored, and then she came back from college with some coping skills for finally dealing with that, then that's one thing. But the parents, of course, would know all that.

But if the kid had a completely normal physically affectionate relationship with her mom, and she came back from college changed, then that is more than problematic for those parents, that family, and this young woman. If this was indeed the case, I'm pulling my money from my daughter's attending another day on that college campus, which I would be now thinking of as something like a cult. Because that's what the fuck it is. The school has been basically shut down for years and only has 165 students. And things have gone from weird to completely off the rails there.


justintyme



Joined: 08 Jul 2012
Posts: 7029
Location: Northfield, MN


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PostPosted: 02/24/18 11:37 pm    ::: Reply Reply with quote

So parents should have the right to intimate physical contact with their child over their child's objection? Come on.

It really doesn't seem radical for someone to say, "I don't care who you are, ask before invading my space." When I was a child my family would kiss each other on the lips. At some point I became uncomfortable doing that and asked for them to stop. They did. It was not a big deal. But what would it say about them if they refused my boundary and just did it anyways?



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Ex-Ref



Joined: 04 Oct 2009
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PostPosted: 02/24/18 11:52 pm    ::: Reply Reply with quote

I spent some time around Yellow Springs ~30 years ago.

Back then, Antioch had a policy about physical contact. You had to ask permission before any contact. And each additional contact.

Just imagine a couple on a date:

"May I hold your hand?"

"Yes."

"May I caress your face?"

"No."

I remember thinking that was kind of weird, but also kind of freeing. You would know what the limit was and the awkwardness of asking didn't seem as bad to me as the awkwardness of offending someone.



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justintyme



Joined: 08 Jul 2012
Posts: 7029
Location: Northfield, MN


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PostPosted: 02/25/18 12:17 am    ::: Reply Reply with quote

Ex-Ref wrote:

I remember thinking that was kind of weird, but also kind of freeing. You would know what the limit was and the awkwardness of asking didn't seem as bad to me as the awkwardness of offending someone.

Yeah, that's just the thing, it is only awkward because it's different. Once you get used to doing it that all becomes normal.

There is also something utterly sexy about communication on that level. And affirmative consent can be non-verbal. It just needs to be unambiguous and enthusiastic.



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